I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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