So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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