Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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