i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
