i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
