Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
