Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
