I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
