Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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