Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
