Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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