Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
