My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
