but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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