Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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