I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
