Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
