My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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