He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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