Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
