but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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