Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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