me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
