pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
