I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
