at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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