I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
