What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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