I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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