This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She bit a glass in half.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
