Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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