i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
