The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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