the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
