pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
