I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
