***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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