and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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