a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
