my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
