So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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