The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
