Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
