JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i came on her dog
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
