umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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