sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
