what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize