woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize