Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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