i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
