So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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