So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's never too late to be topless.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
