oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
