You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
