You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
