I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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