I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
