Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
