"it" just moved
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
