Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
