I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
did i walk over a car last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
