The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
