When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize