I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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