Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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