You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
