Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
